The Muppet Menace!

      (Okay don't ask what inspired this bit of insanity because I have no idea. It just seemed to leap into my crazed brain sometime last night and won't go away until I write it down.  As an Author's note please let me say that (For once) this is a blog that is not a dig against Republicans and Fox News.  Yes I still have issues with both, but this is simply meant to be funny.  Relax and enjoy the insanity and don't read too much into it.)

(Impressive music plays in background as the Faux News Logo dances on the screen)

     "Good afternoon and welcome to Faux News, I'm Ked Topple.  Today we have with us the Reboobican Candidate, Mickey Buckmann who is with us to discuss the issues that she believes are the most important ones facing America today.  Thank you for meeting with us today, Ms. Buckmann."

(Camera pans to show wild eyed woman dressed in a Nun's habit and a Witch's cap)

     "Thank you, Ked and let me say it is an honor to be back on Faux News, the first television network to broadcast the truth and nothing but the truth so.  I appreciate this chance to talk to the American people on the greatest threat to our nation since the German's bombed Pearl Harbor during the Revolutionary War!  My 'opponents' talk about unimportant subjects such as taxes and jobs, completely ignoring, probably deliberately, the larger threat.  But as your next president, I promise you I will deal with this danger."

(Topple nods sagely while adjusting the live hedgehog he has on top of his head."

     "And what might this huge menace to the American Way of Life be, Senator?  The rising threat of a nuclear armed Iran?  The instability in North Korea?"

(Buckmann throws back her head and cackles and tosses a hex sign at Topple)

     "No, Ked.  While I admit those are kind of important issues, the one I am speaking of is here at home.  I am talking about...THE MUPPET MENACE!

     "While others focus on events abroad, these evil and oftentimes not even human creatures tempt and corrupt our youth away from the natural way of God and Man.  They tell our impressionable children that it is okay to do radical things.  Here are some examples."

      "Muppets ate strong supporters of Same Sex Unions/Marriages.  A prime example of this are the infamous same sex couple, Bert and Ernie.  This Bromance has been going on for decades right under the noses of caring parents, teaching children that it is okay for two men to cohabitate while raising a rubber ducky."
 
      "Next we have the so-called Cookie Monster (Real name unknown).  In a time where childhood obesity is at an all time high and the First Family are holding barbeques this creature continuously sends our children the message that it is okay to binge on sugar laden junk foods."
 
      "Then there is Count Von Count, an obvious non-American who is probably also a Communist from the USSR.  A prime example of OCD, he lives in an opulent castle while obsessively counting anything that he can find.  With the multitudes of children struggling with disorders that range from Anorexia to Lycanthropy, do we really need a charismatic vampire adding to their troubles?"
 

      "and finally we have the most damning evidence of these Muppets attacks on our children and way of life.  Kermit and Piggy T. Frog.  Not content with simply forcing same sex unions down our throats, the Muppets want to make our youth believe that it is alright for entirely different species to marry and raise young.  God only knows how Kermit's 'nephew' will turn out after being raised in an inter-species family."
     (Camera focuses on Buchmann who is foaming at the mouth and jumping up and down on the desk.)
     "Stand with me America and make me your next president so we can stop the Muppet Menace before we are surrounded by Obsessed, Binge Eating Frog Monsters!  I am your only hope!  What a world what a world!"
     (Buckmann leaps on her broom and flies off cackling at the top of her lungs.  Topple readjusts his hedgehog and looks back at the camera.)
     "That's all for Faux News at 12 today.  Join us tomorrow when candidate Paul Runs talks about how a dinosaur invasion is a very real threat.  Have a great day, I'm Ked Topple."

Ch...Ch...Changes!

     When I was born in 1963 (Yes I am that old) computers were insanely large creations that filled entire rooms. Manned space flight was only 2 years old and the first manned flight to the moon was still year away. Diseases like Cancer and Diabetes (Unless you were one of the very lucky ones) was essentially a death sentence. Communication was done through corded rotary dial telephones, radios or leaning out your front door to yell at your neighbor. (Not an option in my case since our nearest neighbor was miles away.) In short, things were damned primitive, but we didn't know any better so we liked it.
     Now, I sit at my laptop computer (Old and clunky by most standards but still light years ahead of anything even imagined in 1963) sipping coffee out of my Star Trek mug while listening to music on my MP3 player and pondering how quickly things have changed. Anyone who has family that has lived for more than say 60 years has probably heard stories of “how things were different when I was kid...” but have any of you pondered just how rapidly things have changed. Technology has reached the point now where people who are much younger can look back and say the same durned thing. If it doesn't boggle your mind, nothing will.
     The first hand held Cellular phone was introduced in 1973. It was extremely heavy and bulky but was something that had been considered Science Fiction before that point. It dialed and received (Most of the time) phone calls from just about anywhere but that is all it did. Now fast forward to today. Much as I hate to give Apple a plug, this phone is as far beyond the first one as you can get. You can get emails, surf the Interwebz, play music and even watch your favorite movies all while texting to your friends while driving your electric car.
     So in this case, in less than 40 years we went from something amazing to something astounding and the next generation of smart phones/products promises to make this generation look like the stone age.
     In the 1960s, if you wanted to read a book you picked up a battered, dog eared copy of your favorite book and sat down in your favorite chair to read. In 1992 Sony introduced the world to the Data Discman. This amazing device let people read one book from a compact disk. The screen was tiny, the resolution was not great and you could only get a limited number of books and they came one per disc. Now fast forward a mere 20 years.
     20 years this time gets your the Kindle Fire (Unabashed plug, my wife loves it). Not only can the Fire store 10s of thousands of books in its tiny little body, it can access the Interwebz, play movies and television shows and do dozens of other things that boggle my old analogue mind. To me, it and the others like it are a perfect example of “Insert magic happens here” cause I have no idea how they work.
     I could ramble on and on using dozens of other examples (Netbooks and Pads anybody? How about the digital watch on my wrist that keeps track of my heart rate, calories burned and how long I have exercised?) but I think you can get the drift of my musings. (Or not, I tend to ramble) Technology has advanced an incredible distance in an impossibly short period of time and Gods only know where it will go from here and how it will change our lives. What other examples can you guys think of and what things do you see happening in the near future?

Collective Genius

When I was attending classes at Troy State Main Campus in Troy, Alabama, I had the great fortune to study under some truly excellent instructors including Theron Edward Montgomery and Dr. J.A. Carroll. Both of them taught me a lot of things that can't be learned in text books or from study videos. (Authors note here that most of what Dr. Carroll taught me was either mildly pornographic or had to do with baseball. Hell sometimes it was both.) Professor Montgomery (affectionately known as Tem or Tim) was my instructor in many of my writing courses and one of the exercises he gave us once was this. He wrote a beginning paragraph on the board. Usually something like “Jake wandered out of his house one morning to tend his farms. The sun was shining low in the sky and the wind had a tinge of winter on it. He could almost smell the coming snow.” He would then turn to each member of the class and ask them to write the next paragraph in the story. The only rule is that the next paragraph had to naturally follow the previous one. The next writer could start his/her paragraph with “As he strode out to the barn, the sky over head darkened. He looked up to see a giant butterfly winged dragon bearing down on him with dozens of giant apple pies in its arms” or something really silly. Needless to say (Ever notice how people say “Needless to say” then say it anyway. Kind of like “Here's someone who needs no introduction”) the stories tended to get really odd Odd or not, many of these stories were works of collective genius. It was like the entire class was functioning as one creative brain driving the story and characters in directions that an individual might not take. I have long since lost the hard copies of these works and regret that every time I think about it. Now what brings this up is two events. Right before Christmas I posted something on FB which prompted one of thee collective genius moments. The entirety of the insanity can be found here at my good friend and sparring partner's blog (Thanks TC) http://blatherword.blogspot.com/2011/12/early-gift.html. It is, in all modesty, brilliance. Now, my brother in everything but blood, has started the insanity all over again. At first I resisted the temptation to become involved since it only encourages crazy people, but I became weak and fell to the temptation. The last time I checked, the comment string was closing in on 50 posts involving easily half a dozen people. Like the previous string, this one is pure, collective genius. Moments like these make me realize just how lucky I am to know such creative people. My life is richer because of them. Some of them share my beliefs and opinions, others do not. All that matters is that we are indeed friends/family. I hope to see many bits of insanity like these in the years to come.

Thing that made me go "Hmm."

Something happened this afternoon that actually made me go Hmmm. I had gone to the grocery store to pick up prescriptions and some minor foodish items. While I was waiting for the meds, one of the pharmacists who knows my wife and I fairly well asked me if I had "written any good books lately." I jokingly accused of her having talked with my wife and put it out of my mind. When I got home I told my wife about it and that is when I got my "hmm" moment. I had taken the Pharmacist's comment as a joke, but my wife pointed out that she knew lots of people that found my chosen vocation as an Author amazing and were fascinated by it. I was a little stunned by the idea that people found that amazing. Now I have been (literally in the beginning) been putting pen to paper since I was fifteen years old and sold my first article to the old GRIT newsletter. Entitled "If you don't vote, don't complain" it was the first time I realized that someone besides me might be interested in what I had to say. Since then I have penned several (failed) novels and dozens of short stories (some sold some dumped) and literally thousands of articles for various publications and never even really thought about it all. I have worked with/for or have associated with some of the greatest names in Science Fiction/Fantasy. Up until recently, words have flowed almost effortlessly from my brain to the page painting alien worlds, strange cultures and even stranger creatures and I never really pondered what I was doing. (If this comes across as self aggrandizement, sorry. An old friend, Bob Asprin once told me "Being humble never sold books" and he is right. It takes a special kind of ego to believe that the entire world wants to hear what is locked up in your head.) Still, even with that advice, I have never really pondered how the rest of the world views authors. To those who don't have this gift/curse of words, it must really seem like the old saying about "Insert magic happens here" when someone crafts an entire world/universe and peoples it with races and personalities. They think amazing what I oftentimes take for granted. People that know me either through my blogs or my writings know that I have been going through a creation dry spell the past few months. In my frustration, I have pondered giving up writing for good. Only over the past few day have I came out of that slump and actually started creating again. I think this new view of what I have taken for granted will help prevent another such slump for some time to come. God gave me a gift and I am going to keep using it for as long as I can. It is time I felt a little bit of the awe that others feel.

Great-fuls

Whelp with the holidays rapidly approaching, it is time for annual list of Great-fuls. That's where I list all the things I am thankful for that I think are truly Great (Hence Great-ful! Get it?) I do this as a way of reminding myself that no matter how rough things got the past year or even how rough they might get in years to come, there are always things to be more than grateful for. It always leaves me feeling happier. You should try it. Okay here goes:
1. My Wife- For some strange reason, well over a decade ago, an amazing, attractive and very intelligent woman decided that she loved me enough to spend the rest of her life with me. Since that amazing time, we have had our fights (Some true doozies) and rough times. But we are still together and I love her more today than I did when I married her.
2. My health- Despite the fact that I have diabetes, migraines and more joint pain than the Rockettes, I am very grateful for my health. I have lost 135 pounds, reduced my cholesterol and can ride my bike 10 miles, jog five or walk as long as I want to. If I can keep this up, my Dr. is confident that one day my Diabetes will go into remission and I will no longer need medications. I am in better health than I was in college and I love it.
3. My family- This includes my Bio Family and my Married Family. I also include a select number of non-bio family that are as much my family as anyone else is. I proudly call my mother in law, "Mom" and I feel as close to the rest of my wife's family as I do my own. I recently reconnected with two people who are my brothers in everything but blood and am damned proud of that. Without this amazing FAMILY, my life would be a much darker and lonely place.
4. My "kids"- I am the proud owner of 6 cats and 2 dogs. They make my life better just by being there. Every morning when I wake up, my "kids" greet me with happy noises and lots of attention. I can feel my stress go away and my blood pressure drop just by being around them. Yes they are expensive and sometimes I wonder just how we can afford them, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
5. My friends- Whether it's people that I have known for decades or my eleventeen billion friends on FB, I am grateful for every single one of them. Whether it is an Author friend helping me with my work or a neighbor friend buying my corn on Farmville, I appreciate all of them. They make me smile and they make my life a little bit better.
6. My work- For those of you who don't know I am an Author. Okay not a famous one...yet, but it is what I do. I am grateful for the ability that I have to take the crazy often times weird worlds and people running around in my head and put it down on paper. I may never get rich at it, but I have the sheer joy of watching entire worlds and universes take shape under my finger tips. (Plus it tends to keep me off the streets.)
7. My faith- I won't say what my beliefs are. Anyone who knows me already knows and the rest probably don't care so much. It has never been an easy road and I admit to have wandered off of it more than once and doubted my way more often than that, but I never truly lost it and I think it is stronger now than it has ever been. It sustains me in even the most troubled times and keeps me going when I have doubts about the road ahead of me.

Well, that's my list for this year. I could go on (and on and on) but most of the things I am grateful for fall under one of those headings. Do you have a Great-fuls list and if you do, what's on it?

Equal treatment for all people

http://rivals.yahoo.com/highschool/blog/prep_rally/post/Player-with-Down-Syndrome-kicked-off-team-by-rig?urn=highschool-wp4452

Wasn't really sure which blog to put this one in but finally settled on my "wisdom" column. The above article is one of those that, at first glance, will peeve you off. A young man with Downs Syndrome is being kicked off his football team and the whole town is railing against how unfair this is and how the young man should be allowed to keep playing. I mean, you have heard this sort of story a hundred times in the past. Evil (insert group name here) kicks some kid with (Insert special needs name here) off team/group/club just because he/she is different.

This case is different. The young man is not being tossed because he has DS or that special efforts have to be made for him to play. He isn't being removed from his team because of any special expenses incurred because of his activity. He is being removed from "actively" playing because he is too old. He is being removed under a rule that applies to everyone that plays high school sports. Simply put, at age 19, he is too old to play on the team.

Keep in mind, hidden under all the uproar, is the fact that the young man can still be with his team, wear the jersey and do most of the things that he was doing before that brought him such joy. (Lead the team on the field, cheer from the sidelines etc.) The only things he is not allowed to do is dress out completely and actually run the ball.

Now I have friends who have Downs Syndrome (One very dear one who I hope will not take this column the wrong way) and I have seen the struggles they go through to simply have their children be treated with the same dignity and respect as other kids. I have seen how hard they have fought to allow their kids to be able to do all the things that the rest of the world takes for granted. I will stand beside them at any time to fight for those rights, but this isn't one of those cases.

The young man has played on his team for quite sometime. He has had all the same privileges and rights as every other member of his team. He has earned the respect and adoration of his friends, teammates and fellow citizens. He has stood as a shining example of how "different" doesn't mean "bad." One of his fellow players even admits that he has become a better player because of him watching and cheering from the sidelines. In short he has had a high school sports career that most kids would envy.

Now, like all kids do, he has grown up. He has become a young man about to make his first steps into a very large world. The rule that prevents him from playing is not a rule aimed at Special Needs people. It isn't singling him out because he has Downs Syndrome. It is a fair rule that applies to all athletes playing. If one of his teammates turned 19 he'd be required to stop playing as well. Basically, this young man is being treated just like everyone else.

Equal rights and fair treatment for everyone means exactly that. With some very specific limitations, the same rules and laws should apply to everyone. People that object to this ruling claim that an exception should be made because the young man has DS. They say that he won't be able to comprehend why he is being removed from the team and it will shatter him. Well, I say that these people are doing the young man and all people like him a great disservice. Don't make exceptions where people are being treated the same. We have way to many other fights out there that actually need to be fought.