Doomed to Hell...Purgatory...Ah Heck!

My wife is a sadistic woman with a twisted sense of humor that delights in torturing poor unfortunate me cruelly.  This is a realization that I have just recently made after 12 years of marriage and I wish to share my woe with all of you.  (Yeah you three, you know who you are!  Stop doing that and listen to me whinge!)

As anyone who knows me (and well who has even read just the name of my Blog) understands, I LOVE COFFEE!  I have since I was a kid and Daddy would let me drink the "Been through the coffee pot five times" coffee that he made.  (Needless to say I didn't sleep a lot when I was young and I made ADHD kids look like Slowpoke Rodriquez.)  Never stopped loving it and never will till they pry the coffee cup from my cold dead hands.

I am proud to say that I have not one, not two, but 4 different types of coffee makers plus a Iced Tea Maker.  I caffeinate the way other people breath.  I am a true blue Caffiend and damned proud of it.  I drink a pot of coffee when I get up in the morning and keep a pot brewed most of the day.  I drink Decaff at night and make home made Lattes, Frappes and any other kind of -es that you can imagine all the time.

How does this all fit into the vicious fiend that is my wife, you ask?  Well, I am glad you asked!  (Mainly because if you hadn't there'd be little point to continuing this blog would there?)  Simple, my wife has purchased me the Brand New Keurig Vue.  You know the one?  The Single Brew coffee maker with all the bells and whistles like programmable cup size, programmable beverage strength and a bazillion different types of coffee to choose from.  Hell, it even makes your bed for you.  (Okay maybe not but that is about all it doesn't do for you.)

How does this gift make my wife evil, cruel and mean?  (See above () for followup)  Simple, the boxed coffee maker sits in plain view (Vue) on the floor in our living room where I can see it every single time I go to the kitchen.  It has its identity proudly stamped on the side.  The Caffeine Machine of my dreams is right there in front of me...AND SHE WON'T LET ME USE IT!

Now you see her evilness for what it is right?  The sheer sadism of forcing me to look at the unattainable 7 days a week is mind boggling.  And even more cruel, she says I have to wait till CHRISTMAS!  That's like forever and a day.

Now I suppose you can say that I should be grateful for her generosity for buying it for me in the first place and you would be correct. I have an amazing Christmas morning to look forward to.  I just have to survive the cruel and unusual torture until then.  I ask you, what is a Caffiend to do?