(Okay don't ask what inspired this bit of insanity because I have no idea. It just seemed to leap into my crazed brain sometime last night and won't go away until I write it down. As an Author's note please let me say that (For once) this is a blog that is not a dig against Republicans and Fox News. Yes I still have issues with both, but this is simply meant to be funny. Relax and enjoy the insanity and don't read too much into it.)
(Impressive music plays in background as the Faux News Logo dances on the screen)
"Good afternoon and welcome to Faux News, I'm Ked Topple. Today we have with us the Reboobican Candidate, Mickey Buckmann who is with us to discuss the issues that she believes are the most important ones facing America today. Thank you for meeting with us today, Ms. Buckmann."
(Camera pans to show wild eyed woman dressed in a Nun's habit and a Witch's cap)
"Thank you, Ked and let me say it is an honor to be back on Faux News, the first television network to broadcast the truth and nothing but the truth so. I appreciate this chance to talk to the American people on the greatest threat to our nation since the German's bombed Pearl Harbor during the Revolutionary War! My 'opponents' talk about unimportant subjects such as taxes and jobs, completely ignoring, probably deliberately, the larger threat. But as your next president, I promise you I will deal with this danger."
(Topple nods sagely while adjusting the live hedgehog he has on top of his head."
"And what might this huge menace to the American Way of Life be, Senator? The rising threat of a nuclear armed Iran? The instability in North Korea?"
(Buckmann throws back her head and cackles and tosses a hex sign at Topple)
"No, Ked. While I admit those are kind of important issues, the one I am speaking of is here at home. I am talking about...THE MUPPET MENACE!
"While others focus on events abroad, these evil and oftentimes not even human creatures tempt and corrupt our youth away from the natural way of God and Man. They tell our impressionable children that it is okay to do radical things. Here are some examples."
"Next we have the so-called Cookie Monster (Real name unknown). In a time where childhood obesity is at an all time high and the First Family are holding barbeques this creature continuously sends our children the message that it is okay to binge on sugar laden junk foods."
"Then there is Count Von Count, an obvious non-American who is probably also a Communist from the USSR. A prime example of OCD, he lives in an opulent castle while obsessively counting anything that he can find. With the multitudes of children struggling with disorders that range from Anorexia to Lycanthropy, do we really need a charismatic vampire adding to their troubles?"
"and finally we have the most damning evidence of these Muppets attacks on our children and way of life. Kermit and Piggy T. Frog. Not content with simply forcing same sex unions down our throats, the Muppets want to make our youth believe that it is alright for entirely different species to marry and raise young. God only knows how Kermit's 'nephew' will turn out after being raised in an inter-species family."
(Camera focuses on Buchmann who is foaming at the mouth and jumping up and down on the desk.)
"Stand with me America and make me your next president so we can stop the Muppet Menace before we are surrounded by Obsessed, Binge Eating Frog Monsters! I am your only hope! What a world what a world!"
(Buckmann leaps on her broom and flies off cackling at the top of her lungs. Topple readjusts his hedgehog and looks back at the camera.)
"That's all for Faux News at 12 today. Join us tomorrow when candidate Paul Runs talks about how a dinosaur invasion is a very real threat. Have a great day, I'm Ked Topple."
