Best Christmas Ever!

Coolest book EVER!

Many many moons ago, when we were just starting to date, the amazing woman who would become my wife learned that for pretty much my entire life all I wanted was a genuine Solid Leather Authentic Bomber Jacket complete with the removable fleece lining. I had never owned one because traditionally the real leather classic design jackets ran somewhere between $300-$500 and I had never had that sort of money. So one Christmas Day, I opened a large package and found the EXACT jacket that I had always dreamed of owning. She had somehow found the jacket on a massive sale and purchased it for me. To this day, it remains the greatest Christmas Gift I have ever received. Although for the record I still deny crying when I opened the package.

(As a side note I can add this. Several years ago, the zippers busted on both the jacket and the fleece lining inside so I couldn't zip up the jacket which made it impractical in really cold weather. Once we moved to VA, I actually found a talented tailor who repaired both zippers just this last week so it was kind of like getting my cool jacket for Christmas all over again.)

Okay, now for some background information. I have been lucky enough to become friends with some amazing and talented people who have become household names in the worlds of Fantasy Fiction and Fantasy Artwork. I could name drop names that would boggle the minds of most people who follow such things and proudly claim them as true friends whom I have known for the better part of three decades. I am a modest man (Waiting for lightning bolt to strike me dead for lies.) so I will limit the names to just one,

Larry Elmore is one of the greatest Fantasy Artists of all times. If you ever read books like the Dragonlance Series or played games like Dungeons and Dragons, you have seen his art work a 1000 times. He is beloved by millions around the world.

A while back, Larry announced that he was going to use Kickstarter to do the art book that he had ALWAYS dreamed of doing, but could never do because none of his publishers ever felt that the book would sell. Using Kickstarter, he asked his fans for contributions to help him make this dream come true.

(Now at this point, I could spend pages on amusing stories stemming from this venture. Like how Larry seriously felt like not a lot of people would contribute so he set his goals very low and how the donations blew past those goals on the first day or so. Or how as more and more fans donated more and more funds, he had to scramble and brainstorm to come up with new rewards to give to people.)

Okay so you are prolly wondering what all this has to do with Xmas right? Well, back when Larry was starting his KS campaign, I really wanted to contribute as much as could, not just because I wanted the book but because I wanted to help my friend achieve his dream. Problem was, times were tough and money was short. I was feeling really down so my wife assured me that she had made a tiny contribution of $25.00 just so I could say that I had helped. I was sad that I couldn't do more but at least I felt that I had helped Larry.

Now fast forward to Christmas Day, 2013. After opening a bunch of cool presents, I open my last package and what do I see? The full sized, hard bound copy of the book that Larry Elmore had always dreamed of making. Signed by my friend and even has our names in the dedication in the back. Needless to say, I was beyond blissed out by my wonderful wife's gift.

Now having said that, I am also mildly annoyed at my buddy, Larry Elmore. Several times I have apologized to him over not being able to contribute more money to his dream book. Every single time, he has assured me that he understands and that he appreciated the tiny contribution we had made. See for over a year, my friend has been lying to me AND probably snickering behind his rather substantial beard. ANNOYING! LOL

Still, my minor annoyance is easily offset by the fact that, once again, my amazing wife has managed to totally blow my mind when it comes to gifts AND managed to give me a gift that I didn't think I would ever get. Just shows I married the right woman. Not that I actually needed any real proof of course.

Brew long and Prosper

Greatfulls 2013

For a long time, I had a yearly tradition that I started long before the advent of Blogs, Facebook Posts and Tweets where I took a minute or three to write down all of the things that I was grateful from the previous years. I called the list my Great-Full List and even kept them in a small metal box for decades. Of course, over the course of 30 or so years, that box has long since vanished from 1000s of miles of travel and many different life changes. I recall that I did do one Great-Full a few years back on one of my blogs, but have long since fallen out of the habit of doing it.

Part of that, especially in recent years, is due to the fact that things have not been the greatest and I oftentimes felt that I had very little to be actually grateful for. Another part is sheer laziness. Between writing books and short stories and three very popular blogs, I have really felt that I didn't have the time or the energy to mess with this once yearly tradition that I followed for so long. Well, with all that has happened to me in such a short period of time, I feel that this is an excellent time to bring an old tradition back. I have so much to be grateful for so here is the first Great-Fulls list of a brand new tradition. Hope you like it.

I am grateful for my amazing Wife. She has stuck with me through hard times and good times while putting up with my insanity and oddness. She has loved me and supported me for over a decade and I simply cannot imagine life without her. Actually that is a lie, I have a very good imagination and can imagine my life without her, but it isn't a world I would want to have to live in. Thank you, Paula for being crazy enough to marry me and dedicated enough to stay with me.

I am grateful for my Family, both blood relations and the ones I have been fortunate enough to find as the years passed by. Being the oddball that I am, I have not always gotten along well with my blood kin, but I still love them and am proud to call them my family. Through the magic of the Interwebz, I have rediscovered several people who are not my family by blood, but by choice. Men and women who are just as much my brothers and sisters as my biological ones. Phil, Ben, Shag, Mary and so many more make me a better person and make my life better.

I am grateful for my newly rediscovered faith. Times right now are especially hard and I oftentimes wonder if things will work out. The love and support of amazing people that I had never even known half a year ago have given me a strength that keeps me going. I still have my doubts and fears, but I also believe that things will work out in the end.

I am grateful that, for the first time in 5 years, I have a job. Admittedly it is only a seasonal job which will end at the end of December, but it is employment bringing in some much needed income. I also have a chance at a job that I really wanted and that gives me hope for the future.

I am grateful that my health still continues to be well. As a Diabetic, I live in terror of the many complications that can arise from the disease, but so far in the four years I have been ill, none of the horrors one reads about have happened. I work hard to keep myself healthy and I am grateful that so far my efforts have worked.

I think that everyone has their own Great-Fulls and I hope most people see them even when things get hard and dark. What kind of Great-Fulls do you have? Do you recognize them? Do you appreciate them?

Brew Long and Prosper

My Three Moms

I have a friend that I prolly talk to much about whom we call MacT who always talks about her two moms, Mom1 and Mom2. Her mother divorced her father and wound up getting together with another lady so MacT wound up with twice the moms. Doubling up on Mommage must be magical because she is easily one of the most intelligent and insightful young people I have ever met who is constantly making old Fogies like me go “Huh?” To quote my Brother Ben Baker, “Occam's got nothing on MacT.” (Occam...razor...meh look it up.)

So this past day or so, I was given a reminder that I have also been incredibly privildged to have more than my fair share of Moms. Each one of these amazing ladies has helped shape me and teach me while doing their level best to keep me alive and healthy. My Mother in law who I have called “Ma” or “Mom” for about as a long as I have known her knew I was sick as a dog and that we were returning to GA for some house cleaning. So she fixed me a massive container of some of the best chicken/veggie noodle soup ever just so I could have something nummy and healthy to eat. Not only that, she got up at 0 Dark thirty the next morning to fix us a real breakfast so that we would have something to eat before we left to return home to VA. This inspired me so I am going to do my best to describe these amazing women who have allowed me to call them Mother.

Betty Sue MacLeod was my Biological Mother and one of the most amazing Women I have ever had the honor of knowing. She raised three kids while working 12 hours a day 5 days a week at the local Shirt Factory. She did her very best to teach me the differences between right and wrong and never let me doubt that she loved me. She continued to care and look after long after I was grown and moved out. Sadly she passed away a few years ago and I still miss her every single day.

Now the next mother needs a little back information. While I attended college, I was friends with a rather drunken reprobate named Ben Baker and his not so drunken but just as Bated Brother Bryan. Ben was (I kid you not) voted the man most likely to go to prison three years running. (Oddly enough, 20+ years later, he is a ordained minister and devoted family man. Go figure.) While hanging with the Baker Boys, I had the privildge of meeting their mother, Suzy. (As an amusing personal note, she still retains the fame of being the first person to call me an Ass. I wear that title with pride, Thanks Ma!)

I can't even remember when she went from being Mrs. Baker to “Ma.” Today decaded later, it seems like I always called her that even though I am certain I didn't. Even the first time we met again after 20 years of separation, she was still Ma. From pretty much the first day I met her, she seemed to automatically adopt me as the 3rd Baker Boy. She fed me, she cared for me and she gave me prodigious amounts of love. I am a richer better man for having her in my life and words cannot begin to describe how happy I am that she is back in my life again. Did I mention she was the first person to call me an Ass?

Last but certainly not least, there is my amazing 3rd Mother, Janet. This lady has made me feel loved and welcome since the first day she met although she did tell me once that she liked me well enough but she didn't like me dating her daughter. Luckily she got over that.

I am allergic to onions and when she found out about this back before my wife and I were even officially dating, on holidays she always made (still does) a small extra pan of dressing because she knew that I LOVE dressing and can never eat it because of the onions. She knows I love her pound cake so every holiday and my birthday she always makes sure to make an EXTRA cake just for me. I could fill up two or three blogs with all of the amazing things she does for me all of the time.

So like I said, I have been blessed with the love of three Amazing Mothers and I just wanted to give a shout out to them and let the world know just how lucky I am. Hope the rest of you are half as lucky as I am.

Brew long and prosper.

WHOO HOO!!!!

     For the first time in 5 years I have a job.  Admittedly it is only season work for 8 weeks, but it is a sign to me that things are finally starting to turn around for my family.  I just wanted to share the good news with all of my readers.

Brew Long and Prosper

Taking a chance

http://gma.yahoo.com/florida-orphan-davion-only-family-162656776--abc-news-topstories.html?=vp1

Imagine you are a child who has never had a family of your own. Never a place to truly call Home. Imagine that you finally become so lonely and so desperate that you stand in front of a large group of people and abandon any pride you might have to literally beg someone, anyone to bring you into their family. Can you imagine the courage it must have taken to do this knowing that there was a good chance you would be ridiculed or even worse, refused?

Not long ago, one young man did exactly that. Davion Only appeared in front of his church congregation in a borrowed suit and literally begged. "I'll take anyone," Davion said. "Old or young, dad or mom, black, white, purple. I don't care. And I would be really appreciative. The best I could be." He took a massive chance knowing that the odds were against him. If that isn't courage then I don't know what is.

Well, despite the potential for backlash or rejection, it looks like this young man has a very good chance to finally get the home he has always dreamed of. After his story was told, literally 1000s of people inquired about possibly adopting him. Many of them have already been through the long and difficult vetting process that states require to adopt children and many others are in the process right now.

Even more amazing and wonderful is the fact that many of the people inquiring have voiced interest in adopting other children besides Only. So a brave young man's plea might not just give him a chance at a new home, but also might give other adoptable kids the same chance.

You are always hearing about how horrible people are in the news. Shock stories sell more Ad time than happy stories do. That is why you will never see a story about “Man saves truckload of kittens” in big banner type on the front page of most papers but can see “Man arrested with truckload of kittens destined to be bait animals in dog fights.” So it is always nice from time to time to find stories with no bad guys that actually say something positive about the Human Animal.

Only may not get adopted. Only the days to come will tell that story. However, he had the courage to stand up and ask, “Won't anyone love me?” He made people think and that is a good thing.

Brew Long and Prosper

The best offensive is a good book.

Stern Penguin Disapproves!

 

http://gigaom.com/2013/10/15/in-furor-over-rape-and-incest-porn-ebook-retailers-arent-the-only-ones-to-blame/

I realize given the title and nature of the above link, that this blog seems more appropriate to my Sometimes Its Okay To Be An Ass blog, but I think it is a little more suited for this everyday philosophy blog. I'm not trying to call anyone out or peeve anyone off with this blog. I am just trying to ponder exactly where a person's freedom of expression begins and ends. To what extent can a much larger group (Say a Government) determine what individuals should be able to read or watch? Exactly where does protection end and Censorship begin.

Pornography has always been a tricky and sensitive issue with people lined up a thousand deep on either side of the argument. One side claims “This is filth and should be stopped” while the other side touts Freedom of Speech as their right to produce anything they wish. The subject gets even trickier when one transitions from Visual productions such as Movies and Television to the written and drawn productions.

I find it funny in an unsettling sort of way that most people are alright with the oftentimes graphic depiction of such things as rape in movies and television, but cry foul when the same subjects are presented in book form. Pick any 10 or so movies released at any given time and you will more than likely find at least one where someone somewhere is physically assaulted. These movies make billions of dollars and 90% of the world doesn't even say Boo! However, put out a book that depicts the same sort of acts and suddenly people are screaming about PORN!

The thing I find most confuzzling about this mindset is that written fiction doesn't even involve real people. X may do horrible things to Y in “Evil X does Y” but the characters aren't real and the actors only exist inside the heads of the people reading the book. In video productions, you have real people acting out the plots in real time also not real life but could possibly be argued to be more graphic.

50 Shades of Whey

I'm not here to argue FOR rape and incest pornography or even porn in general. Rape is always wrong no matter what and should never be a subject that arouses someone. If it does, than that person should seek immediate mental health. My argument is that good old Slippery Slope. Some insanely popular works (50 Shades anyone) definitely fall under the heading of Porn. Hells, for the time, some of RAH's works could have been considered porn and particularly perverted porn at that. (Friday comes to mind. Believe me folks, that book had everything in it besides the two subjects listed above.)

Once we start letting a larger group decide what can and cannot be published, it opens the doors wide for full blown censorship. Suddenly the forces that be can decide that certain religious works can't be published and shown or certain works of fiction cannot be shown for the sake of the “public good.” Don't laugh it can and has happened here in the US. Do a search for banned books and you will see lists that include Catcher in the Rye, pretty much anything by Milton and loads of others. We so love our censorship here in the US.

Sue me, I like Penguins!

Here is a simple rule of thumb. If you don't like the subject, don't read it. If a movie contains things you find offensive, don't watch it. It is really that simple. In the end, it is all fiction and fiction has never harmed anyone.

Brew long and Prosper

Spellcheck, confessional 4!

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/Blog/2013/10/11/Jesus-misspelled-on-Vatican-medallions/6491381507915/

File this one under, “I don't care who you are or what your faith is, this is just funny.” So the Vatican minted a brand spanking new coin to commemorate the New Pope. All shiny and sparkley , they were released to be sold in the Vatican Publishing House (Hey don't they have a sweepstakes?) so that the faithful can plunk down their money and get one. Just one problem, The Vatican (You know one of the really big Jesus/God fans) MISPELLED Jesus on the coin.

Now you have to ask yourself how bad the proofer had to be at his job to miss this little boo boo. Was he asleep on the job or maybe had a little to much communion wine? I mean, really, how badly do you have to suck at your job to miss the fact that someone got your Savior's name wrong. Some historians argue that Jesus' name was actually Yeshua but even if we take to be so, the name on the coin is still misspelled.

See to me, the Vatican misspelling Jesus' name is kind of like the US misspelling America on a coin. This guy was central and fundamental to the very core of your faith. Sure, the mistake was caught and most of the coins recalled before they were sold, but a few are still floating around out there making the Vatican look sloppy.

As an Author, I understand the importance of proofing and confirming (Don't always manage it, but I do understand it.) your work before releasing it out for everyone to see. I just think a tad more effort could have been put forth to at least get the name right.

Brew Long and Prosper

THIS JUST IN, FIRE STILL HOT!

Huh, really?  Never would have guessed.

Okay, I give up! I hereby freely and without duress, admit that Tom Clark, Ben Baker and Todd Douglas among others are right and we live in a Nanny State. I also admit that Wonko the Sane was right in locking us all up inside the Asylum because we sure as heck are loonier than a lake during migrating season. Honestly folks, we all need serious medications and comfy jackets that let us hug ourselves.

(As a literary aside here, Wonko the Sane was introduced in the great Douglas Adam's classic So long and thanks for all the fish who realized that the whole world was nuts after reading the instructions on a pack of toothpicks. If you haven't read this book and the others in the series, you should.)

So I was making my breakfast this morning which consisted of a 4 egg omelet with pepperoni and cheese. I was frying the pepperoni and scrambling the eggs when I happened to look down at the carton of well you know, eggs and saw the above label. My first thought was “Well, Duh!” and my second thought was “Really?” My third thought consisted of “Oh crap my pepperoni is burning!”

I mean everyone has made the jokes about coffee cups that come with a warning that the liquid inside is hot and other assorted nonsense, but have we really and truly become so paranoid and over cautious that we feel the need to tell people who presumably can read comprehend the concept of egginess that the carton they are holding contains eggs?

In the incredible MMORPG game World of Warcraft (That is Multi Member Online Role Playing Game for those not in the know) there is a series of quests that start out silly and end up being very very silly. The initial quest is entitled “This just in, Fire still hot.” The above warning label strikes me as on about the same intellectual level as the quest warning.

The fact that these sorts of labels exist tell me one of two things about people and neither is very flattering. Thing one is that the manufacturers and producers of these products truly believe that Americans are that stupid. This one isn't so bad, because it is only a small section of our population. Thing two is that the public really is that dim and the warning labels are necessary to protect both the public and the producers. Like I said, neither one is very kind.

Of course a part of it all has to be the Litigious nature of the world today. People complain because they were burned because they didn't realize that their coffee was hot. Others suing fast food companies because they didn't realize eating 5 Big Macs a day would make them fat. Parents complaining because Teachers flunk their kids, but whinge because their kids are growing up stupid. Maybe these labels are simply a sign of just how greedy and selfish we are becoming? Stupid or greedy? I am not sure which one makes me sadder.

Brew Long and Prosper

Scuse me but your trunk is hanging open...

http://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/texas-mcdonald-8217-tells-patrons-pull-pants-172900402.html

At first glance, one would think that this one belongs in my “Sometimes Its Okay To Be An Ass “ column, but I am really not trying to annoy anyone or make people mad with this one. I really am trying to understand something that I truly do not grasp so bear with me.

The above article tells about how certain restaurants and businesses are instituting a “No sagging” zone meaning that if you are one of those people who wear their pants down around your lower buttcheeks, you cannot come in or be served till you pull them up. This has sparked a rousing game of “Racism!” and “Discrimination” as one would expect from such a highly charged issue. Hence comes my confuzzlement.

I am not nor have I ever been racist. The ability people have to hate and dislike other people simple because of their Racial Background or Cultural Background has always amazed me. Don't get me wrong, I have a lonnnnng list of people and things that I don't like (Onions tops the list for personal reasons) but I have never disliked someone based solely on their skin tone or spiritual beliefs. The fact I turned out this way despite the fact I come from about as deep in Lower Alabama as you can get still amazes me.

With that disclaimer out of the way, let me state for the record that I don't get it. I personally think that people who wear their trousers down around their butts look absolutely stupid. The fact that some of them ain't even wearing clean underwear just makes it nasty AND stupid looking. I mean I have seen some dumb looking fashion statements (Beer Caps come to mind) but that doesn't make you look cool, it just makes you look sloppy.

You have the right to wear pretty much anything you want in any manner you want. As a Middle Aged White Geezer, I wear some pretty funky stuff meself. If you want to have your butt hanging out the back of your pants, that is cool. I just don't see how you can possibly think that is cool. My Wife has a hypothesis that some Actor/Singer/Comedian many many moons back wore that look once or twice and people thought “Hey if XXXX does that, then it must be cool.” So they started doing it too. I seriously doubt that the urban legend going around about Prisoners signaling their willingness to have sex by wearing their pants low is true.

Like I said, I am not trying to be offensive or insulting in any way. (That's for my other column.) I honestly want to try to understand how showing the world that your butt is covered with Garfield Boxers is somehow cool. Any takers?

Brew Long and Prosper

SMOKIN!

Does this Butt make my Ass look big?

I was out riding my bike yesterday afternoon and as I drove by a group of houses I saw a scene that just struck me as funny. A Gentleman dressed in PJ pants and a Tee-Shirt (Keep in mind this was the afternoon.) was standing on his front porch smoking like a chimney. He had another unlit smoke in his opposing hand so I am guessing he intended on lighting it after he was done with the first one. He was speaking to someone through one of the open windows while puffing away. He had the air of someone who had been standing there awhile.

Before I go any further, let me state that I hate smoking. I also hate smokeless tobacco in any form. I think the whole thing is one of the dumbest things that someone can do to their body. I mean really, what sort of moron actually thinks it is okay to stick a burning object in their mouths and inhale a lot. Don't get me wrong, I grok addiction. I am thoroughly addicted to Caffeine which is my own issue I am working on. I think any addiction is dumb, smoking just happens to be at the top of my list. Anyhoo, moving on.

My funny thought occurred when I pondered how smokers would have reacted (Especially Male smokers) say 40 years ago if someone, anyone had told them that they weren't allowed to smoke in their own homes. Even back in the 70s, no-smoking zones were becoming more and more common, so you could prolly get away with telling someone they couldn't smoke in the Public Library or something similar. However, if someone tried to tell you that you couldn't smoke in your home, all Heck would have prolly broke loose.

I grew up with a Father who was a chain smoker. He smoked at least two packs of cigarettes a day nearly up till the day he died at a VERY advanced age. He smoked in the mornings. He smoked in the afternoons and he smoked at night. The living area around where he sat on the couch was constantly wreathed in smoke. We didn't even think twice about it and no one not even my Mom even dared to think about asking him to smoke outside.

None shall pass!

 Fast forward to 2013. Most people have become so accustomed to seeing smokers standing outside of homes and businesses in all sorts of weather huddled together for protection as they puff away on their paper wrapped weeds. For the most part, people have become so accustomed to the “No Smoking” rules that they don't even question it any more. They just hang their heads, trot outside and stand in the rain while they get their Nicotine fix for the hour.

I am completely behind the No Smoking movement. I like the fact that non-smokers are no longer exposed to the proven hazardous second hand smoke put out constantly by Puffers. However, I do find it amusing how quickly (relatively speaking) the paradigm has changed. We went from “I can smoke anywhere I want! That is my right!” to “Okay I am going to sneak outside in the blizzard and try not to get frostbite while I smoke one.” To me that is highlarious!

I firmly believe that everyone should be allowed to poison their bodies in the shape and fashion they prefer. If you want to smoke, smoke. If you want to inject toxic substances into your body, go for it! (Flesh eating drug? Brr) I am lucky in the fact my particular addiction does not infringe on anyone else and isn't even readily noticeable as long as I use an unmarked container. So go ahead and Puff up, Smokers. Just try not to get hit by lightning while you are doing it.

Brew Long and Prosper.