Writing keeps my head from exploding.

     One of my readers asked me the other day exactly what the process is that I go through when I write any of the insanity that spews forth from my headparts.  Since many others have asked that same question in the past, I decided that it was time to bequeath to everyone exactly what

THE SECRET

is.  I hope every one is ready because once you learn all of this there is no turning back.  

Get off your lazy Arse and work!

     So the creative process always starts the same way.  I am minding my own business and innocently (Okay maybe not innocently) going about my day when suddenly one of the tiny blue Gnomes living inside my brain suddenly hits me with something very heavy and painful.  After repeated bashings have gotten my attention, he or she (I am an equal opportunity type person) screams in my ear, "Hey wouldn't this be a great idea for a story/article/rant?"
     I have often tried to ignore this, but experience has taught me it is generally much less painful simply to give in, stop whatever nonsense I am doing and write what my tormentors are forcing me to write.

Leesee maybe I should write all this down...Nahh!

     Now, anyone who has ever taken any sort of writing course knows that the next logical step in the creative process is to make at least a crude outline of the concept, characters etc so that the writer has something to reference as he works.  Me personally, I hardly ever touch the stuff.  Since the hammer wielding blue Gnomes have already worked out the details and spilled it all into my headparts, I generally am stuck simply transcribing the stuff into physical (E?) form.  Sometimes, if it is a particularly long piece, I may create an outline later on because by then the Gnomes have lost interest and moved onto other torments.
     Generally when I writing something, the whole story appears in my head from beginning to middle to end.  Now this doesn't mean word for word, but I know how the book begins, what  happens in it and how it ends.  I know who all the driving characters in the story are and what their back stories are.  Really it is simply a matter of "fill in the blanks."  I have been told by many of my Author Friends that this makes me unusual.  Sorry, I am perfectly normal.  However the Blue Hammer Wielding Battle Gnomes inside my brain are a little odd, but they won't leave.
      People are always telling me that "Writing isn't hard."  They mutter "Well I could write a book if I really wanted to."  Truth be told, with the abundance of E-books being put out through free publishing companies such as Amazon and Smashwords, I can honestly agree with them now.  I have read some truly amazing Independently produced E-books and I have read some truly horrendous stinkers.  (Don't even get me started on the "Author" who published dozens of classic novels as her own works by simply changing the name and gender of the main character.  Joan Carter, Warlord of Mars anyone?)
     Anyone can write a book/short story and I encourage every single person to try.  You might not become a best selling author.  Hell you might not sell a single story, but you can at least try.  The modern E-publishing craze gives even the most inexperienced author a massive audience to appeal to.  The trick is to simply sit down and do it.  You can read a hundred "How to" pieces and most of the time they will be about as helpful as this silly little piece.  It is totally up to you, but keep in mind the wise words of a Muppet.  "Do or Do not.  There is no try."  I mean the worst that is going to happen is that someone like me might make fun of you.

Brew long and prosper

Mind officially blown!

     So I was catching up on my Doctor Who last night and I had a thought.  (Yes I do occasionally have those pesky things.)  Once I had it, I pondered it for a second or two and my headparts were officially blown (Metaphorically speaking of course.)  Ready for the thought?  Okay here it is.

"There are people alive today that, barring an actual Extinction Level Event, will be alive when the 22nd Century arrives."

     Now folks, I am old.  Not as old as some, but definitely reaching official Geezer status.  (Damned proud of it too.  Give me my 5% discount and free coffees, damn it!)  When I was a kid, the 21st Century seemed a ridiculous distance away.  I remember when it got here and thinking, "Wow this is something big."  Now I am faced with the knowledge that the 22nd century is coming at us and that people will live long enough to see it that I might be passing on the streets.  (Hells, as a side note here, giving the improvements in health care and meds and given the fact that my family line tends to live a very long time, there is a small, teensy weensy chance that I could live long enough to see it or at least get within spitting distance of it.)

     So I ponder the 22nd century and what these people might see.  I look back at all of the impossible things that have been discovered in just my short 50 years and try to look ahead at what might be discovered and done in the next 50 or so.  

     NASA is currently working on a Fusion Engine that could send people to Mars in a matter of weeks instead of many months.  Several Private Industries are currently building and testing their own manned space vehicles.  Very rich and very powerful people are working on mining precious resources from asteroids and NASA actually wants to lasso one and move it into an Earth Orbit.  

     Researchers are working on MAKING new organs using a 3D printer system.  Others are working on creating fully functioning Artificial Organs (Eyes, pancreas, limbs) that function just as well as the originals.  I could go on and on, but these miracles are happening right here and right now in 2013.  What might we see in 2023 or 2033?  

     The world of man is a dynamic, ever changing place.  Sure we have our setbacks and there are always groups and individuals who would love to hold us back, but in the end, we keep moving forward.  So, just ponder what might happen in the next 50 years, 60 years or 70 years.  I think that if you do, your mind will be officially blown too.

Brew long and prosper.

The Final Measure of a Person

 

     Some of my oddest thoughts occur to me when I am in the shower.  Maybe it is the relaxing power of the water.  Maybe it is the heat and steam.  Something happens that makes me think about things that usually wouldn't occur to me.  As I was showering tonight after a long day of yard work, the thought came to me, "How would I measure up in the end?"

     Most religions teach that if you follow the tenets of your faith and obey the rules of your God then one day you will be summoned forth to His or Her presence.  Usually there, you are judged based on just how good a (Insert Religious Group Name here) and if you measure up, then you are permitted to play harps, dance with virgins etc.  Of course, if you don't measure up you generally get sent some place very unpleasant.

     As a general rule, the judgement really has nothing to do with how good a person you actually were, but how many of Big Happy Sky Guy's laws you kept or broke and if you correctly painted the right portion of your anatomy blue on the holy days.  It has very little to do with how well you treated those not of your faith or how big a Dick you were.  

     Now some faiths/philosophies ask the broader question of "How much good did you do for the world and people around you?"  They ask if you were kind.  They ask if you left the world a better place than when you came into it.  So I pondered when the final measure is taken, how would I measure up?

     When I was younger, I was not a very nice person.  I was a Con Man, a Grifter and occasionally a thief.  Even more important is the fact that I was VERY good at it.  Now even to this day, I comfort myself with the knowledge that I never conned an Honest Person and I never stole from places that couldn't afford the loss.  I did what I had to do to survive.  It is not something I am particularly proud of, but it is what it is.

     Since those times, I have done my very best to live a better life.  I help when I can and do what I can to make the world a better place.  In some cases, it is a pointedly biting Blog or Article.  In others, it is as simple as composting and recycling.  I try to help people when I see they need help and I try my very best to do no harm.  

     I don't know if Karma exists and I am not sure how far I have come in balancing those scales.  I suppose I won't know for sure till it is far to late.  All I can do is to keep trying and working to making the world a better place than when I first got here.

     I suppose it doesn't matter what your faith is or even if you have one.  No matter what you believe or Who you believe in, the scales are still there.  What is wrong with everyone trying to make the world just a little bit better? 

Brew long and prosper

A Big empty house

     Over the past weekend, I drove my amazing wife a ridiculous distance so that she could start her new job in our Nation's Capital.  If all goes well, we will be apart for about 6 weeks or so before I can join her.  If things don't go so well, it maybe a year or so longer before we can be permanently together again.  With the worst case scenario, we have made plans to spend some weekends together, but anything permanent is a long way off.  Needless to say, I am praying for the best case scenario.
     With her so far away, I left rambling around in a big empty house.  It seemed like a big house when both of us was here, but now I feel like I am lost in some massive maze.  All of the sounds and sensations that have been a part of my life for almost a decade in the house are gone.  To say it is a bizarre feeling would be an understatement.
     Many times I have heard other people talking about looking forward to time away from their spouse.  They talk about how they love their Other, but really need some personal time on their own.  To me it always seemed like they were speaking a foreign language.  The very idea of wanting to spend time away from the one you love was an alien concept to me.
     Let me say this for those who don't know me or my wife.  I married my best friend.  (No Benjy, PP not you.  Hells you never even brought me flowers.)  I met her almost 20 years ago when she was invited to one of my AD&D games.  I can honestly say that it wasn't love at first sight (More like lust), but I think I fell in love with her very soon afterward.  To my amazement, she fell in love with me too and we have been together ever since.
     Paula is my Best Friend.  She has helped me grow as a person and has taught me so much.  We enjoy spending time together.  We enjoy doing things together and going places together.  She makes me a better individual and makes my world a much better place for just being in it.
     So now, here I am.  All alone (well with 6 cats) in a big old empty house with my best friend suddenly 800 miles away.  I think a lot of people might be thrilled by the "freedom" but I just feel lost.  I am confident that we will get through this and be stronger for it, but I am not looking forward to the journey. 
Brew long and prosper.

An Apology and a Prayer

Amen.

     A horrible event has happened.  A Madman has killed and injured people.  The whole country is in shock and searching for answers and truth in the midst of fear and confusion.  This is not the time for finger pointing or blaming putting.  All of that can wait till tomorrow.  All we need to do right now is accept the fact that a Tragedy has occurred and lives have been shattered.
     I found myself coming to that realization during one of the usual lively conversations/discussions that I so often encounter with my friends on Facebook.  I climbed up on my O.D.D. (Oration Deployment Device) Mark III (shaped oddly like a soapbox) and gave forth my opinion on another person's comments.  Whether I was right or whether the other person was right isn't the issue.  This isn't a time for arguments.  All we need to do today is mourn our dead and pray for those who lived.  Everything else can wait.
     Whatever your faith, pray.  Whatever your beliefs, remember.  Never forget.

She's leaving on a Jetplane, don't know when She'll be back again...

Must not cry!  Must not cry!

      So in a week and a half, I will be saying goodbye to my wonderful wife as she moves to our nation's capital for her new job.  I plan on being extremely depressed for several weeks after that.  Even our best case scenario has us being apart for several months and don't even get me started on the worst case scenario.  If the worst case happens, I will very very snippy for quite sometime to come.  Just warning everyone in advance.
    So thinking about all of this has made me think about just how long we have been together and how much we have been through.  We have been together going on two decades now and married for 13 years.  (Yes we lived in sin for awhile, get over it.)  We have traveled half across the country together, then  moved back across to our home state a year later.  We moved to GA together and soon we will be moving again.  Our relationship has more physical miles on it than most classic cars.
     During all of that, we survived flooding basements and burning house.  We lived through some of the most stressful financial times ever both personally and nationally.  We faced me being diagnosed with a serious Chronic Illness and losing both my Mother and Father.  In short we have been through a hell of a lot of Shift and we are still together and strong.
     Don't get me wrong.  We have had more than our fair share of fights.  Many of them have been real doozies.  I think there have been times that, if our love and our relationship wasn't so strong, we would have long since broken up and went our separate ways.  The fact that we are still together and still loving one another tells me that our love is strong enough for everything.
     One of my Facebook friends asked me if I was concerned with her moving away without me.  I am guessing that they meant am I worried she will leave me.  I won't lie and say the thought hasn't occurred to me.  I do wonder sometimes if she would be better off without a doofus like me and in my weakest times worry she might one day realize that and leave.  But that occurs only when I am at my weakest.
     My wife is an amazing, intelligent and talented woman who is so much better than I deserve.  I always tell people that the only dumb thing she ever did was marry a broken down redneck like me.  The fact that she has not left me long ago during one of the many disasters that has happened to us amazes me.  It also tells me that she will always be there for me.  A fact that I find incredibly comforting.
     So I will miss her while we are apart and a tiny part of me will worry the entire time we are apart.  However, I will always believe that we were meant to be together and that we always will.  If for no other reason, there is no way in Hades I can feed 6 cats and 2 dogs on my own.

Brew long and prosper

Rescue Repaid In Full

   

My two Rescue Dogs in all their goofy glory

      So several years ago, my wife and I adopted two wonderful dogs from a friend who worked with a local Animal Rescue group.  She had told my wife that the dogs had been horribly abused as puppies so they were constantly terrified of everything around them.  Because of this fear, people didn't want to adopt them because people wanted dogs that played with them and interacted with them, not cringe in their kennels in terror.  I love dogs and have a huge fenced in back yard, so I told my wife that there was no way I'd let an animal be put down just because it was justifiably terrified.  So a few days later we adopted a big, beautiful Black Labrador Mix named Trellis.  A short time later, we adopted Trina because my wife felt like Trellis needed a playmate.
     What followed was easily some of the most frustrating times in my life.  These two large, beautiful dogs were so terrified of everything that they wouldn't let me or anyone near them.  For a long time, they wouldn't even come out of the old dog run except to snatch bites to eat.  If they were sick or needed shots, we had to literally run them down and corner them, then drag them to the car to go the vets.  I had these two amazing animals and I couldn't interact with them.  There were several times when I just wanted to give up.
     Finally, after several long years, they started to accept me.  They'd come out of their dog run and wag their tails at me when I was in the yard and even follow me around at a distance when I was doing yard work.  Within the last year or so, Trina (The one with the dead stuffed animal in her mouth) has actually started coming up to me on a regular basis and let pet her.  Trellis is still a little skittish, but she occasionally sneaks up and let me pet her for a few seconds before running off again.
     So like I said, it has been a long uphill battle and at times I wondered if it was worth it.  Until tonight.  About 3AM we were awakened by the sound of the dogs barking.  This is not unusual since they often chat with the other dogs in the area.  This time, their barking was different.  We had never heard them sound like that before.  It was fast and strident sounding like a cross between Afraid and Angry.  I figured it was just them barking at a cat or a possum on the roof, but my wife said, "There must be someone back there." (Backyard)  So I got up to take a look to reassure her and immediately heard male voices in our backyard where NO ONE should be this time of night.  I saw two figures cross in front of the back porch light carrying something.
     So I immediately called the police and a very nice Officer Sharp was dispatched.  When we checked out the back yard we found the gate had been opened and the shed had been opened.  Someone had gone through my tool boxes and left the light on.  The Officer made sure that whomever it was had gone and said that she'd drive through the neighborhood a few times.
     If Trellis and Trina hadn't barked and made so much noise, my wife and I would have continued sleeping.  God only knows what the two invaders might have done.  We live in a fairly large house and they could have easily broken into the back or the mudroom area and been in the house before we could do anything.
    So in one night, T&T have repaid all of the frustration and hard work I spent on them and the kindness I gave years ago when I let them into my life.  I am definitely buying them special treats in the morning.

Brew long and prosper

Just say no...to cable!

http://news.yahoo.com/broadcasters-worry-zero-tv-homes-154357101--finance.html

     When I was growing up in LA (Lower Alabama of course), we got three TV channels if we were lucky and if the weather was right.  I remember when I went to one of our "Wealthier" neighbor's house where they had a very tall tower antenna and could get 12 channels.  (ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS and a slew of UHF channels most of which showed the exact same stuff.)  So when I left home and got my own place, I immediately signed up for cable and was a very happy camper.

     Not too long ago, circumstances forced my family to give up Cable.  Needless to say, I went through some serious cold turkey and vowed that we would one day have 126 channels that we never watched once again.  I even purchased one of those Digital Antennas in the vain hope that I could at least ease the pain.  (Didn't work but it was worth a try.)

     Now, many many moons later, I find myself with absolutely no desire to ever shell out $49.99 a month.  The couple of times I have "enjoyed" cable while on trips, I was annoyed by the far too numerous commercials in between the brief periods of programming.  I was frustrated by 100+ channels of crap that I had no real interest in.  These brief Cable exposures have only reenforced my lack of desire to return to the cable fold.

     Apparently I am not alone.  The above article indicates that my feelings are shared by an astounding number of people nationwide.  Young and old are coming to the glaring realization that they no longer have to depend on the whims and ads of Broadcast television.  People are starting to Grok that there are better ways to get your Honey Boo Boo (Although God only knows why) fix.

     We have multiple sources of entertainment.  Only two of them actually cost us a penny.  We have subscriptions to HULU+ and Amazon Prime ($7.99 each I think) that allow us to watch literally unlimited numbers of free Television Shows and Movies.  Prime also allows you to rent movies and shows for a low cost if you are so inclined, but has over a 1000 movies and shows you can watch for free.  HULU+ allows you to watch next day episodes of your favorite shows for that monthly low fee.  (As a side note Prime also includes Free Shipping and Handling on anything purchased from Amazon.com)  

     We also have a ROKU that streams an insane amount of free and low cost videos from the internet directly to our television set.  It also allows us to visit various websites like Facebook and play HD video games.  Cost?  We bought the ROKU box for $99.00 bucks.  It gives us access to hundreds of different "Channels" ranging from cooking to Anime to Sci-Fi.  Most of it is absolutely free and a chunk of it is commercial free.

     With the advent of so many devices that can stream videos  ( I even read that there is an adapter now that allows Smart Phones to receive Broadcast television.), there are far to many ways for people to get their video fixes.  Both Cable and Broadcast are going to have to work very hard and be very creative to keep their previously fanatical followers.  One thing is for sure, the days of "We can charge you anything we want and there is nothing you can do about it so Nyah!" are going the way of the Carrier Pigeon.  These former Pirates need to adapt or die a slow and embarrassing death.  Till either happens, I will enjoy my ROKU.

Brew long and prosper

A Different Kind of View

     So I have officially survived my 8th or 10th flight on them there new fangled Aeroplanes.  I'd say for a guy that is deathly afraid of heights, that is a pretty good claim.  I have no gotten to the point where I don't close my eyes as tight as I can and scrunch up in my seat during take offs and landings.  I no longer intently watch the wings waiting for the moment when an engine falls off.  Heck, I am sure that I am even starting to look down from the insane heights and enjoy the view.  Who knows, maybe I will actually get to the point where it doesn't bother me at all.

Where are all the lines you see on maps?

     On the flight to DC, everything was heavily overcast (Undercast?) so I really didn't see much from the window.  However, on the flight back, the air was so clear you could literally see all of the Earth from wingtip to the horizon.  It is a sight that I never get tired of seeing and one that always inspires me.  It makes me wonder about this amazing planet and how we have arbitrarily divided up a complete world into hundreds of isolated places.  Have you ever looked at the Maps of the world and pondered these invisible barriers that we have placed between us?

Oh!  There are the lines!  Whew I was getting worried.

      Seen from an airplane or from space, the Earth is filled with wide open spaces.  There are no boundaries other than those caused by geography.  One section of a landmass doesn't suddenly end at some dotted line and another begin on the other side.  A viewer sees no nations, no states and no races.  Instead, they just see the Earth.

     The vast majority of the conflicts that this old world has seen have been about boundaries.  Man kills man because one or the other violated his territories.  They treat the lines of ink on maps as immutable, indestructible walls that no other person should cross.  Never mind that the "invader" is of the same  race as the other.  Forget that they worship the same gods.  All that matters is that X invades the lands of Y.

     I know it is a silly thought, but I think that if more people could get above the lines of the maps and see the world as one grand whole then we might get along better.  At least I hope they would because in the end borders are just lines on paper.

Brew long and prosper.

Retail Shock Therapy

     I wonder if any psycholoical studies hae ever been done on the amount of brain damage that occurs in the male brain when they are forced to go "shopping" with their spouses.  I used the quotatio marks to differ between what most males would dee. shopping and the strange process that most women seem to think of as shopping.
     Most men have no trouble actually shopping.  You know, where you go in with at least a reasonable idea of what you need?  You search around buy the things you need, pay for them  and go home.  (The only real exceptions to this are hardware stores and electronic places.  Go figure.)  All nice and simple with very little fuss.
     Now women engage in this sort of shopping too and often times they are much better at it then men.  However, there is a speical type of shopping unique to women and it effects men like Kryptonite.  (As an odd aside here, I have found this remains true even when speaking of Gay men and Lesbians.  Must be genetic.)
     When a woman is in the mood. he can "shop" for hours on end and not actually buy a damned thing.  They can wander from store to store while trying on "darling" outfits.  They think nothing of looking at the "cutest" trinkets over and over again.  This effect is effectively multiplied by ever how many women are involved.
     Now this wouldn't be an issue if women would love to do this by themselves but they delight in dragging their men along.  Men are forced to follow around and hold purses and bags while the distaff meander wander around.  We sit in limbo as our brains rot while we wait for delverance from our fate.
     Like I began this missive,I really wonder if studies have been made to determine how much men suffer both physically and mentally while this happens.  I am sure that the person who performs this study will be awarded the Noble Peace Prize for the efforts.  Until then I guess men will ave to suffer for the sake of our relationships.
Brew long and prosper

Bean there, brewed that

     I am not a morning person.  Anyone who knows me is well aware of that fact.  I also am a huge (no fat jokes please) coffee drinker and fan.  Now you might be asking yourself exactly what these two things have in common?  Now that is a very good question indeed.
     Well this week my wife and I have been roaming around the wilds of DC trying to find a nice house we can comfortably live in once she transfers here.  Our mornings start at about seven or eight am and pretty much keeps going all day.  Needless to say that this is not an easy journey for a morning-a-phobe like me.
     Every morning I stumble out of our bed and struggle towards the kitchen type place.          I start the magic brewing machine and groggily wait for the elixer of life to appear.  Once I partake of that magical drink. the world seems much clearer and nicer.  I suddenly have the strength to make it through the day.
     People accuse me of being an addict.  I describe myself as a Caffiend (Get it?).  I don`t deny it.  I drink 2 to 4 pots of coffee a day.  Pretty sure that if coffee didnt exist then I probably be a lot less functional.
     A wise man once told me that everyone has an addiction.  The trick is to find one that isnt harmful.  Coffee is my addiction.  I could live without it but choose not to.  My addiction has many benificial effects and not so many negatives.  It helps keep me going and harms no one else.
     I call coffee the greatest bean in the world.  My addiction and my passion.  Keep reading to learn more about my passions and world.